


Like a moth to the light

by dat_oasis



Series: Killugon week 2020 [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Ghosts, Gon misses Killua, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Killua is a ghost, Kurapika the mom friend, M/M, killugon week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24056701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dat_oasis/pseuds/dat_oasis
Summary: Each night he'd light up a candle in a lantern and if the night would allow, he opened his window and let moths come. Such a strange attraction to light made Gon thinking of how attracted he was to Killua's inner light. Even though Killua had told him that he was light, Gon never really thought it was true.ora new entry for the killugon week 2020!
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Series: Killugon week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731154
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Like a moth to the light

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello! Welcome to a new entry for the killugon 2020 week. Umm i'm glad you decided to read this :). Quite honestly this feels like a fever dream but i made the plot up at 3 am yesterday but ohh well. Once again i have a few things to clarify:
> 
> I have absolutely no idea about the flowers i mentioned. I am not well versed in gardening so please excuse the things that are mentioned in the wrong way (i literally just looked up "cool white flowers that bloom at night" and the mentioned flowers are my results)  
> When the text turns cursive it's either something from the past or it's Killua doing things!  
> There are mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts!!!!! so beware!!!!  
> Lastly please listen to "Going home" from Bleach and enjoy the story!

The life cycle, not a very pretty thing if you think about it. 

Everything has an end to it. Whether it's an expiration date of your milk, the seasons when leaves fall, or the day where death comes to find us. Sure it's a natural thing, yet it hurts to think about. 

It hurts to know that one day you'll leave. One day you'll have to leave everything behind, everything you love dearly. The memories of adventures you and your friends experienced, all those feelings clawing at your stomach, all those pets and dear ones that shouldn't have seen you die. 

We always think about how it affects us, yet what about other people? What will be of them? Will your friends split into different paths? Will they remember? You would always wish that those who you leave behind heal quickly and remember you in a positive light. You always want them to carry on your memories and things. 

Being forgotten is probably one of the most painful things anyone could experience. You become a nameless ghost, a spirit wandering the quiet halls. You fade with every passing day. Most people tend to try and forget to keep their happiness intact, and it's absolutely understandable. Some people don't have enough will power to keep themselves every passing minute so it's the only option in their eyes. I'm sure the ghosts that they're trying to forget are okay with it, after all, no one wants to hurt their loved ones after their death.

One ghost with such a mindset was Killua Zoldyck.

It has been almost a year of his passing and he was still stuck in the mortal world. He didn't want to join the others in the underworld as he kept on reminiscing about the days he was alive. He still wasn't ready to leave his loved ones. He wasn't ready to pass on and forget the streets he walked. He wasn't ready to give up Whale Island and it's forests, he even reminisced about the Kukuroo mountain. 

**\-----------**

_The morning's air was fresh and cool, it had rained the night before. It was a light summer rain which left almost no trace on the ground, immediately seeping into the earth. The sky was clear and the sun painted the clouds a warm pink color. It was a beautiful morning which should be appreciated. Unfortunately, the few people that gathered there on the edge of a cliff by the breezy ocean weren't there for that._

_Gon's tired gaze lifted up just enough to see small tuberoses standing by the small headstone, a pretty big angel's trumpet's tree was flourishing behind the headstone, casting a faint shadow over it. Gon watched as the ocean winds played with the datura's wide leaves, tangling closed off queen's of the night. His face was puffy from the week of sleepless nights tainted with salty tears and quiet promises. Tears stained his already red cheeks as he reread who's name was engraved in the headstone._

_Killua Zoldyck._

_A firm hand found it's way to Gon's shoulder as two figures stepped beside him for a little more closure. Gon turned and sobbed into Kurapika's arm as the golden-haired boy ran his hand through the shorter boy's hair. Leorio sniffled beside the two. He tried his best not to cry, yet tears streamed down his face._

_Kurapika had visible black circles under his eyes. The two older boys kept Gon company for the entire week, calming him down and crying together._

_The people around them scattered their own ways. Some had work, some other business to take care of. Yet they didn't feel well at all about leaving the trio. Zushi and Wing had both arrived a day earlier to take care of Gon but they had to leave almost immediately after the ceremony._

_Bidding goodbye was so hard now. Gon didn't want the people close to him to go away. The last time he did such a thing for a long time ended not very pleasantly. Now the certain someone was 6 feet under the ground, listening to the ocean waves in eternal rest._

_Soon enough only the trio was left by the lone grave, but not long after they took their leave too. Each one of them had wanted to cry in private._

**\-----------**

Killua would check up on Gon even as a spirit. He couldn't really show his presence since he was seethrough and couldn't really touch any living things except plants. Killua would bring a flower to Gon's window every now and then. It was a strange thing, indeed yet it kept Killua calmer. He felt like he was actually there like he could somehow help. 

Gon would dry most of the flowers and pin them to a board in his room, sometimes though he would place the flowers in a vase and enjoy them as much as he could. He never even thought that Killua was the one bringing him them, he didn't really believe in ghosts that walked along mortals. He made himself believe that everyone who passed on is now in a better place somewhere else. 

Each night he'd light up a candle in a lantern and if the night would allow, he opened his window and let moths come. Such a strange attraction to light made Gon think of how he was attracted to Killua's inner light. Even though Killua had told him that he was light, Gon never really thought it was true. 

He felt as if he was a moth chasing after the light that Killua was.

**\-----**

_Aunt Mito stood on the other side of Gon's door. It was around two months since Killua's passing now. Gon was still not recovering. It scarred him deeply, to the point where even now he'd cry for days and do bad things to himself._

_Mito tried every way she could to help Gon, nothing ever seemed to work. She called Kurapika and Leorio but both were hard at work and couldn't come to see Gon so she took the matters into her own hands._

_Mito knocked quietly. Her hands were trembling a little as she cursed herself for being ignorant. She got no reply from the other side of the door, yet she heard quiet muffled sniffles. Gon was probably trying to fix himself up so she wouldn't be worried. 'What a sweet child' she thought, swatting away the silence in her mind._

_Mito quietly pushed the door open. As she stepped in she noted how dirty the room was. The woman could barely get to Gon's bed. Everything was in disarray, piles of clothes, tissues and other things, except for a vase full of colorful field flowers. She had no idea where he'd gotten them from._

_Gon was stuffed under two thick blankets. His quiet sniffling was slowly disappearing into the quiet room. Mito quietly got to his bed to check up on him. She pulled back one of the corners of the blanket and found Gon's puffy face ridden with tiredness, his black circles growing wider._

_He was asleep._

_Mito sighed softly as she carded her fingers through Gon's hair. It was sleek and oily. He had cooped himself up in the room for so long. He needed a shower and some good warm food. Mito sat down by Gon. She watched him sleep, running her hands through his hair and almost falling asleep alongside him._

_Only after a few hours, she backed out from the trance and started cleaning up his room. She carried the dirty clothes to the washer, placed the others in his wardrobe very neatly. Mito picked up his books and placed them back where they belonged. Lastly, she changed the water for the bouquet of wildflowers._

_As she stepped out of the room, closing the door she wished that Gon would get better soon._

**\-----------**

Killua never liked seeing Gon sad, it made him sad even in the afterlife. He still worried about Gon and tried his best to help the boy which he couldn't really do. He kept speaking to Gon, hoping that he'd somehow hear him as animals did. He hoped Gon would notice his presence, yet he never did. 

Killua tried several ways of trying to contact Gon yet none worked. He tried writing on paper but the ink would disappear immediately. He tried to somehow touch Gon, yet he only went through him. 

It hurt Killua as much as it hurt Gon, maybe even more. It hurt seeing him like this when he couldn't do anything to help. He hated seeing him cry for many endless nights. He would cry alongside him whenever he spoke of their memories to the night sky. He would watch Gon stare at moths, he would sing along through sobs whenever Gon would play songs to the moon which he learned from his travels. 

Even when Gon would eventually fall asleep Killua would lay beside him. Ghosts don't feel tired yet he would pretend to fall asleep so in that moment he'd feel human again

**\---------**

_Gon sat by his bed, he had no tears left to cry. So he sat there, staring at the crescent moon. His head was full yet empty. He felt out of place, he couldn't tell if he was even real anymore. Gon's body was tired and malnourished. Over the six months, he probably lost a lot of weight. His cheekbones started to show, he could wrap his palm around his wrist. Sometimes he would think he was dying while lying in bed, yet he didn't dare to go to the hospitals. The only calls he would answer were Kurapika's and Leorio's, he'd ignore the rest._

_A quiet knock shook Gon out of his silent stare-off with the moon. Kurapika quietly stepped in, carrying a piece of cake with himself. Gon was too tired to smile so he just gave an approving nod. Gon stared at the wall in front of him as Kurapika sat down next to him, close enough to feel the other boy's warmth. "Gon," Kurapika whispered, turning to look at the dark-haired boy. "Hm?" Gon's voice was groggy, he could barely whisper anymore. "Do you want to talk about it?" The blonde boy spoke, settling down the plate with cake on the floor._

_Gon bit his lip. "I'm not sure," He sighed looking over at the moon through his window. "I know I shouldn't be like this yet," He brought his knees closer to his chest. "It hurts," Kurapika took the words right out of Gon's mouth. Gon just silently nodded. "Believe me, it hurts us too. I bet it hurts you the most, you two were very close," Kurapika stated quietly. His tone was calming and inviting. Gon laid his tired head on the blonde boy's slender shoulder._

_"Mm, it does," The dark-haired boy stated. "I keep reminiscing about the times we traveled, I kept remembering the times he smiled brighter than the sun. I keep seeing him in my dreams. I keep thinking that he'll come back," Gon ranted as Kurapika wrapped one arm around his shoulder. "It's so tiring, I'm so tired," Gon cried out. Tears welled up in his eyes but he kept talking. "After all of that, I keep realizing that he won't ever come back. There will never be a day where I'll be able to go on adventures with him, I'll never get to see him smile, I'll never get to tease him again" Gon sobbed quietly into his friend's shoulder. "The only thing I have left are the memories," He whispered, his voice broke._

_Kurapika listened patiently, he waited 'til Gon stopped crying before starting to talk. "It does really hurt to realize all those things," Kurapika quietly spoke. "Yet you always have memories to look back to. Instead of saying I wish he would come back, start saying I'll make him proud," The blonde boy watched as Gon rubbed his eyes, carefully listening to his friend. "Remember that you both were happy in those memories, don't taint them with sadness. Please remember that you have us and the others you can make new memories with," The boy spoke quietly as Gon pulled away from his shoulder. "It won't be easy but you have to try, not only for yourself but for him too," Kurapika smiled softly._

_Gon finally mustered up enough strength to smile back. It felt nice, talking to someone about your problems. "You should eat, so I brought you some cake to cheer you up," Kurapika chuckled, handing Gon the plate. The dark-haired boy mumbled a light thank you before digging in._

_And so the two spent the night together, talking about nothing and everything at once._

**\-----------**

It was the dusk of the one year anniversary. Gon quietly made his way to the grave. He hadn't been here for exactly a year. Aunt Mito had taken care of it and he felt a little guilty. He should've come here where he felt like Killua might hear him in the afterworld. 

Gon grumbled as vines kept tangling in his hair and instrument. Branches kept slapping him in the face. "I guess even the forest is angry at me," He chuckled brushing past the leaves to step in a clearing. 

The ocean was calm, waves sent a warm breeze his way. The birds had quietened down after a long day. The white flowers were prettier than he remembers them to be. The angel's trumpets' tree was flourishing in beauty. It had gotten bigger and its flowers were brighter. The tuberoses had grown taller through the year and now were almost half the size of the headstone. The daturas were blooming the prettiest white Gon ever saw. Their bushes grew denser with flower heads. 

Gon settled on the ground in front of Killua's grave. He didn't feel tears anymore. With the help of friends and family, he had gotten over the painful accident and now sat with a nostalgic smile on his face. Gon placed his guitar down on the grass next to him. "Hey Kil," The dark-haired boy hummed into the night. "Haven't really visited you in a while," He chuckled quietly. "How's it going there, in the afterlife? Hope you're having fun," Gon murmured looking down at his fingers. "I hope you won't forget me and the memories we made,"

_Killua's ghost smiled lovingly as he settled down by Gon, listening to him talk_

"I hope you're not angry at me for not visiting you," Gon scratched his head. _'Not at all silly,' Killua chuckled into the night air. He was happy to see Gon was better now, after all the past month he spent going after Leorio._ "I really miss you and I just wanted to spend the night here, playing songs and remembering," Gon smiled softly picking up his guitar. He strummed a quiet tune he'd fallen in love with when they both were in Yorknew. "Do you remember that time in Yorknew when I managed to cake your face?" Gon giggled quietly. _'Of course I do,' Killua smiled sheepishly, thinking back to those days_. "Oh! Do you remember Greed Island?" Gon's face lit up with excitement but it soon fell. Tears welled up in his eyes. "I won't lie to you, I really miss you and still sometimes have thoughts about joining you," Gon's strumming slowed down. "I keep thinking that if I wasn't so far away that fateful day I could've saved you from Illumi," He hummed as a tear slipped.

"I don't want to turn this into a sad night, but I just really really miss you," Gon spoke, his voice was wavery. _' I miss you too dumbass, ' Killua sighed quietly curling up beside Gon._

Gon's eyes lit up as he watched the queen's of the night slowly start blooming. The flowers only bloomed once a year before inevitably wilting. Gon was happy he could witness such beauty. It made him feel like he wasn't the only live creature here. 

The two sang songs for the rest of the night. Killua was tightly holding Gon without him knowing. A light smile kept playing on Gon's lips as this night turned into a pleasant memory.

_And so as the morning rays came, Killua ran his hands through sleeping Gon's hair one last time before fading away into complete nothingness as the sun's fingers danced around him. Just like the queens of the night, he had wilted and left for the afterlife_


End file.
